"The Talk"
Who: Female, 11 years old
Where: Home
As this is a young female the individuals mother will be doing most of the talking. However, it is important that her father also be present so that the individuals knows that she can go to him with any questions she may have. It is important that parents and their children have a relationship that allows the child to come to them with questions, fears or concerns, however uncomfortable they may be. This could be the difference between STD transfer or teen pregnancy. Before writing this dialog I accessed the Health Education Curriculum Analysis Tool (HECAT) Sexual Health Curriculum Guide and determined important things to incorporate into this discussion.
Mother: I would like for you to sit down, your father and I have something we would like to talk to you about. As you're beginning to get older and you may be finding yourself becoming interested in the same or opposite sex, it is important for us to talk to you about intimacy. I'm sure you've started to hear people talking around school about kissing and potentially even sex so we want to make you aware of the risks and things you need to be mindful of. Now your father and I do not condone nor wish for you to partake in any sexual activity outside of marriage, however, it is your body and ultimately you decide what you will do with it so we want to make sure you are informed. Have you ever heard of sexually transmitted diseases or STD's?
Daughter: No.
Mother: These are diseases that can be transferred from one person to another when the proper protections aren't taken during sex. Some of these diseases can be treated, others cannot and can be life threatening. Some STD's can be transmitted through both oral and vaginal sex so it is important that both you and your partner be screened for STD's before you engage in any sexual activity. Do you know what oral sex is?
Daughter: No.
Mother: Oral sex is using your mouth for sexual favors pertaining to another persons genitals. Are you aware of how people get pregnant?
Daughter: No.
Mother: Each month a female produces an egg, sometimes they can produce more than one which is how some people get twins, but for the most part people release one egg. A female has what is called a fertile period that lasts for about 5-7 days. In this period, if a male and female have sexual intercourse and a male is not wearing a condom, sperm have the potential to make their way towards a females egg. If the sperm enters the females egg, the female becomes pregnant. Does this help you to understand why it is so important, if you do decide to have sex, for your sexual partner to wear a condom?
Daughter: Yes.
Mother: Because not wearing a condom can lead to what?
Daughter: STD's and pregnancy.
Mother: Yes. There are other birth control methods that you can also use, however, these will not protect you against STD's so it is very important that you and your partner both still get tested and continue to use condoms. I will send you a link to your phone so you can further explore birth control methods, now or in the future, and you can talk to me at any time if you have questions or decided this is the course of action you would like to take. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/birth-control/in-depth/birth-control-options/art-20045571
Mother: I also want to talk to you about something else that is very important. Consent. Do you know what consent means?
Daughter: Yes.
Mother: Good. So you know that giving consent means that you are allowing something to happen. I want you to know that consent pertains to sex as well. If someone ever tries to force you to do any kind of sexual act that you do not consent to, this is called rape. Rape is very very serious. It is very important that if you or anyone that you know is raped you tell me, your father and or the authorities. Which also leads me to, do you think it is ever okay to make fun of someone for sexual activity or lack there of? Meaning making fun of someone for doing something or not doing something sexually related?
Daughter: No.
Mother: Right. It is not okay for you to make fun of anyone period, and especially not for sexual activities they may or may not have committed. If you experience or witness this, it is very important that you inform an adult. This is not something that you should ignore or participate in, ever, okay?
Daughter: Okay.
Mother: So I know this is a very uncomfortable thing for you to talk about but I want you to know that you never have to be afraid to come to either me or your father with questions or concerns. Our wish for you is that you would wait to have sex until you are in a committed relationship and are much older. But it is very important that you are well informed and have the resources to make your own decisions. Do you have any questions for us? You don't have to ask them now, you can think about everything you have just heard and ask questions later if you would like?
Daughter: How can I make sure I do not get an STD.
Mother: The best way to ensure you do not get an STD is to always use protection, such as a condom and abstain from sex with your partner until you have both been tested for STD's. If you ever suspect you have contracted an STD it is very important that you get it checked out because there could be negative long term effects if you do not. I will also send you a link to a guide for safer sex and again you can come to me with any questions you may have. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/safer-sex-guidelines Any other questions?
Daughter: Not right now, but I will read those articles and come to you with any questions.
Mother: Okay.
Citations
CDC. (2012). Health Education Curriculum Analysis Tool (HECAT) Sexual Health Curriculum Guide.
Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research. (2020, February 6). Birth control options: Things to consider. Mayo Clinic. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/birth-control/in-depth/birth-control-options/art-20045571.
Safer Sex Guidelines. Safer Sex Guidelines | Johns Hopkins Medicine. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/safer-sex-guidelines.
Awesome post! I loved reading your fictional mother/daughter "Birds and Bees" conversation and wished my mother would have been that informative when she gave me "the Talk". I also like how the daughters age is 11. While, having a daughter myself, the thought of having "the talk" with her at that age makes me want to cry, it is so important to start making this topic more comfortable and acceptable in our society. By doing that, it provides the knowledge that I think every preteen/teenager needs and it is important to make it known that there bodies are not "gross" or "weird" and that it is okay to have a healthy conversation about changes. I think that will make to already difficult process of growing up more manageable and possibly less stressful for our youth.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSorry! I put 2 e's in your name and thought I could delete the post and correct it, so now it shows my comment was removed. I reposted my comment below!
DeleteHey Jade!
ReplyDeleteI thought your dialog about "the birds and the bees" was informative. I know when I had this talk with my mother, it was uncomfortable, but that was because I was 19 years old, when she decided to have it. I think parents want to believe their young children are not interested nor engaging in thoughts about sexual activities. Still, the truth is sexual activity is, unfortunately, starting at a very young age. I want to think music, social media, TV series, etc. are all outlets of exposing children to "sex culture"; Since this generation is social media/technology-driven, it is tough to control.
I liked how you had the mother ask questions to get an understanding of what information her daughter already knew, and I thought they were also a great way to set up the flow of how the conversation would continue. I thought you hit every aspect of "the talk," mainly when you discussed consent and mentioned how it is not ok to make fun of someone for sexual activity or lack thereof. Children are often vulnerable to peer pressure and think just because their friends are doing it, they should too.
Jade,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post and you are a natural at speaking to children about this! My daughter is only two and I am terrified for the day I have to speak with her about this (as I am sure her dad is as well)! I don't really think I had this talk with my parents growing up and I'm sure if I did that I would have been very uncomfortable but appreciative that they spoke with me about it.
I really enjoyed the fact that you spoke about CONSENT. That is so important and I plan on adding that to my conversation when I have to speak to my daughter about this stuff. I would also add to that topic of consent that if you say yes, and then decide to say no, that is also okay and the person you are sexually active with should stop immediately. I also really like how you tested the child throughout the conversation asking what not wearing a condom can lead to, it ensure the child is listening and understanding!
Great blog this week! I am looking forward to reading your future ones.
Brittany